took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
