Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I would fuck him just for his dog
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
