This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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