I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
