My liver just broke up with me...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
