So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize