You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
