I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
