I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
