Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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