I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize