just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
