i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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