is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
