dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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