Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
