pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
