Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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