I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
