just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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