Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
