i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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