Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
