she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
