She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize