Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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