then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
