i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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