i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
