my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
