you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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