I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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