hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
