Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize