Define "chronic" masturbator.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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