You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
