I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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