can we get nightvision for the apartment?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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