We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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