I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
