omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
