i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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