We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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