i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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