hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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