hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
