Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize