I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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