Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
