If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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