At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
