i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize