A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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