it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
