i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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