yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
