he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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