New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
