I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
