i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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