sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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