How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
