Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
