It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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