toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
is it fun? or sober?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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