Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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