I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
