I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
