Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need a burrito and a hug.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
