New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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