Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
