i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
