Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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