I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
