Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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